it's like iHOP with fire
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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