So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
