Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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