watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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