omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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