Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
