and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
