i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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