Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
