My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
