i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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