You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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