Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
