69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
