She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
