Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
