I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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