Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
