ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
