She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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