If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
