so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
