had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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