Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
