i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
