you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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