you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
