You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
