Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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