It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
