I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
