Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
