Just fell off a train. Bad.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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