I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I just sharted jello shots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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