is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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