just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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