we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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