your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Come on in and take your pants off
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