Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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