nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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