Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
