youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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