Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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