i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
