Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I puked a lego.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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