PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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