So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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