sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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