omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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