Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
