LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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