I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
