my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
