Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
this hospital has no fireball
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
