i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
