How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
