I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
