am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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