i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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