im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
