my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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