I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
