i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
