I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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