So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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